I just realized I haven't blogged for a month. This is way overdue!! It is finals week at Asbury Seminary and I just turned in one of my exams. I decided to take a blog break before I launch into the next paper.

I am tired. I am getting ready to graduate (looking forward to that) and looking at launching a church plant in a few months. Frankly, at this moment I am not excited about doing that. Oh it's not that the vision doesn't stir me, it's not that great people aren't part of it, it's not that I don't feel called to it. Just tired - bone weary. Need a break (my wife does too!!).

I am also facing my own fears and insecurities as this new phase looms ahead. I worry if folks will buy into the dream. If they do not does that mean they don't like me? If they do will I fall into the trap of letting that form the foundation of my self-worth (a common ministry temptation)? At one level, I am aware that my awareness of these things will help me navigate them in a healthy manner. But hey, neurosis is neurosis!! Yippee!!

I think I need a retreat. Remember that scene in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy and the boys reach the emerald city and they each go through an overhaul? The Scarecrow gets new stuffing, the Cowardly Lion a new hairdo, etc. I need to be re-stuffed!!

Does anyone else find it too easy to build one's identity around ministry and see yourself as a ministry machine rather than a human being? Do you find yourself thinking that everything you do has to contribute to the "cause" (planting a church, starting a movement, going to the mission field)? Hey - I am a human being!!! I like reading biographies. I need a listen to the Beatles' Revolver on a regular basis. Looking forward to seeing the Lexington Legends on June 1 (local minor league team). Prime rib and fettucine alfredo - mmm mmm good.

Why do minister types (however you define that) do this to themselves? Is it the devil? Is it modern church culture? Is it American culture? Probably all that and more!!